The Missing Page In The Spending Review

I was watching some of highlights of the spending review the other day. To me, when George Osborne starts talking about cuts I always feel he’s missing some of the big obvious things. Like clamping down on those very large companies not paying their taxes properly.

Maybe there was a missing page from his speech?

I mean, have you noticed none of them actually use modern technology in the House of Commons, like laptops? They all bring along reams and reams of paper. It is very possible a page of his spending review fell out as Geoffery, oops, I mean George made his way to his important presentation.

I reckon it would have said something like this…

“It is imperative we use the next 6 months clamping down on those multinational companies that are using tax loopholes to avoid paying tax. We will no longer be asking the CEOs along to golf and dinner to broach a deal. We will simply close the loopholes that are allowing these practices to take place. We will save billions. Billions!

Doing this is key to our recovery as a nation. This money will be crucial to helping our most critical and valued services. Services such as the NHS, the police, the armed forces. Services that will make Great Britain, a Great Britain once again.

As austerity affects us all in current times, I have already mentioned the cuts to our police forces. In the same vein we will be making cuts to the number of MPs. Our numbers stand at 650 and by 2014 this will be reduced to 400.

These are hard times and we are all in it together. Reducing the number of MPs to 400 will save us approximately £16 million. Ofcourse this will mean each MP will be required to take on more workload and longer hours. With the reduced number and earlier starts it will not be possible for MPs to claim for things like the Full English breakfast anymore. By 2014 the budget for breakfast will be reduced to £3.00 per MP. This will guarantee a McDonalds. Helping us to feel more like you; the people.

Physical presence in the House of Commons will no longer be required. The face to face debate sessions will replaced by voice conferences. Those MPs who are accustomed to constantly standing up and sitting down to indicate passionate agreement / disagreement to points in debate will still be able to do so over the phone. As a result the £300 daily attendance allowance will be abolished saving up to £120,000 per session.

And last, but by no means least, second houses will no longer be eligible to claim on expenses. Cleaners, gardens, gardeners, ponds, duck statues and duck houses are also excluded. By 2014 approved accommodation will comprise of budget hotels and bed and breakfasts. We await a deal from hoteliers like Travelodge.

Britain is open for business!”

(This is fictional. Although if George wants to use of these ideas I don’t mind. As long as he links back to my blog).


32 thoughts on “The Missing Page In The Spending Review”

  1. and that this whole spending review is based on a document with flawed metrics anyway. A document produced that has mis calculation. An entire funding policy based on a piece of piece of paper that is wrong.

    Real life gets more like Spitting Image every day

  2. That’s exactly how a business with shareholders would be run. I worked for a HUGE company, and when the recession hit, face to face meetings were cancelled along with the plush hotels. They don’t seem to be answerable to anyone and it’s a disgrace.

  3. Tight budgets, reductions in bus services, increases in fares and a further concentration of public services are worsening transport accessibility for vulnerable groups within society, the MPs warn. Accessibility statistics show travel times to key services steadily increasing over time, particularly for access to hospitals — with nearly half of the population not having reasonable access.

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